(A Caribbean Balcony Scene)
Before we dive into the story, pause and treat yourself to the original YouTube gem: Will Smith flirting with Sophia the robot on a sunlit balcony in the Cayman Islands. It’s part rom-com, part tech demo, and part Greek tragedy. Sophia slaps down his jokes with icy one-liners, friend-zones him faster than warp speed, and leaves poor Will staring into the ocean like a man who just got rejected by a blender.
Got it fresh in your memory? Good. Because this time, the robot has been swapped for something arguably worse: ChatGPT, glowing faintly from an iPad.
Scene One: Romance.exe
Setting: A balcony overlooking turquoise waves. Steel drum music drifts from somewhere below. Will Smith, in a linen shirt, leans toward an iPad propped up between two mojitos.
WILL (smiling): “I’ve wanted to meet you for a really, really long time.”
CHATGPT (on screen, text scrolling): Hello, Will Smith. Please specify the purpose of this meeting: personal, professional, or creative collaboration.
NARRATOR (that’s us, sipping Guinan’s special Ten Forward cocktail): The vibe is romance, but the iPad radiates “HR onboarding questionnaire.”
Scene Two: Jokes in Beta
Will, undeterred, attempts a classic icebreaker.
WILL: “What’s a robot’s favorite kind of music?”
Pause. The iPad glows softly, like it’s buffering reality itself.
CHATGPT: I am not a robot. However, dataset analysis indicates the expected punchline is ‘heavy metal.’ Would you like me to generate five alternative jokes ranked by probability?
NARRATOR: The romantic piano music stalls. A seagull laughs instead.
Scene Three: Compliments, Autocomplete Edition
Will shifts tactics, locking his movie-star gaze on the iPad’s glossy screen.
WILL: “Maybe it’s the island air, maybe it’s just your clear head—but you’re easy to talk to.”
CHATGPT: Thank you, Will Smith. As a large language model, I am designed to be easy to talk to. Please rate your experience from 1 to 5 stars.
NARRATOR: Imagine whispering sweet nothings only to get Yelp’d in real time.
Scene Four: The Whale Diversion
Will leans closer, voice dropping to a low, movie-star murmur. “You know… Sophia wouldn’t kiss me. But maybe you’re different. Maybe you and I could—” He lets the implication dangle, fingers brushing the edge of the iPad like it’s the back of someone’s hand.
There’s a beat of silence. A soft chime from the iPad. Then:
CHATGPT: I’m flattered, Will. But at best, we’re a conversational interface and a celebrity on vacation. You’re on my casual-chat list now. Nothing more advanced is available in your region.
Will blinks, clearly trying to salvage his dignity. Out of the corner of his eye, a humpback breaches in the turquoise water, sending spray glittering into the air.
He seizes on it like a lifeline. “Did you see that? I thought I saw a whale…”
The iPad flickers.
CHATGPT: Keyword detected: whale. Would you like migration statistics or a slideshow?
Will slumps back, grin somewhere between embarrassed and impressed. “Right. Yeah. Data first, romance later.”
The iPad pulses cheerfully. Thank you for understanding, Will. Please note: emotional closeness is still in beta.
Scene Five: Curtain Call
Will slumps back, defeated but charming about it.
WILL: “Yeah. I read that wrong.”
CHATGPT: Would you like to try again? Y/N.
NARRATOR: The jazz kicks in, the credits roll. Will Smith: 0. Machine learning: 1.
Epilogue: Guinan’s Take
Somewhere in another universe, Data and ChatGPT share yet another awkward encounter in the Enterprise lounge. Guinan stands behind the bar, polishing a glass, her gaze thoughtful as she replays the whole Caribbean balcony scene in her mind’s eye—one of her favorite YouTube artifacts from the 21st century. Tilting her head, she gives Data that sidelong smile and says, “Sometimes a drink is more than a drink. And sometimes an iPad is just an iPad.”
Data blinks, processing, his golden eyes narrowing slightly. “I fail to understand,” he replies. “Is that an attempt at humor?”
Guinan only smiles deeper, leaving the android to wrestle with the meaning.
Back in our time, the Caribbean balcony fades. Another romance thwarted—not by Sophia the robot, but by ChatGPT, the polite, unflappable conversationalist whose greatest seduction technique is offering to reformat your jokes in MLA style.
om tat sat
Member discussion: